Baby steps in the beginning

10 Jul

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I am a young, vibrant 19 year old, ready to tackle on my wildest dreams and live out the most outrageous vision set for my life by God.

However the past few months have been a struggle in believing I am capable of doing so. My biggest strength began to turn against me, my mind. It began to ponder thoughts of failure, of not being good enough to conquer the dreams, began to dwell into the weaknesses I may possess and the flaws I hold. This was surprising considering the same brain has gone through my whole life with an ambition of proving people wrong, gone through cancer, gone through rising above the ‘limitation’ of hearing loss. Yet, now, it seems to be weakened. 

I battled these thoughts with “But God is greater”, “But I can mould those flaws”, “But it does not define me”, “But my strengths override this”. Still, these thoughts began to weigh me down like never before.

As always, I was able to find inspiration from God and His Word. His daily reading for me seriously has impeccable timing. I found myself dwelling into the story of Moses for the first time in depth.

I fed on the beginning of Moses being called by God. Most people now state that Moses was the greatest leader for God of all time. (Although I love to debate that Joseph was, but good to more leaders for God!) It was amazing to see Moses with a timid nature, a hesitant mindset. He hid his face in shame from God when he first spoke through the burning bush because he thought of himself as a murderer and not worthy enough. (What an amazing illustration of God’s grace) God called Moses to the huge task of freeing his people from Egypt, meaning that Moses had to go back to his homeland where he grew up AND murdered someone, face up to the Pharaoh whom he knew well and free the Israelites. Moses found himself full of excuses.

“What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?”

 

“I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

 

“Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

We all know how the story goes, Moses ended up obeying the Lord, performed wondrous signs and miracles, freed the Israelites, brought the Law and established a dynasty by bringing structure into the everyday lives of Israelites. He became a powerful servant of God and a leader of His people.

I found it refreshing to read about Moses in the early stages of his ministry. It shows that happens all the time. When God is wanting to call us out, the enemy is wanting to hold us back. I drew inspiration from this passage, knowing that I need to take baby steps in the beginning and that will hold me in good stead for now. That will move me towards the direction God wants me to go. 

I found my ‘but’ – “But Moses went through the same thing, yet he followed God, I will too.”

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